the 07/17/2008

10 Ways to Escape From the iPhone Madness

Whew! There is a little too much iPhone stuff going on out there.It's getting a bit overwhelming--even for someone who actually ownsone. Not to worry though. If you are tired of all the hype or youare a frustrated Apple hater, welcome to the anti-iPhone oasis.Here you can sit back, relax and learn how to block out the fanboyjibba jabba and achieve your iPhone-free Zen.

Sensory Deprivation: In order to achieve iPhone-free Zen, you must first learn toliterally block out all of the messages bombarding your senses. Thefollowing gadgets can help.

The Oculas: If you are really, really hardcore, you could dropUS$45,000 on what is described as "most complete and distinctlypersonalised lounging oasis in the world." This private fiberglass"relaxation theater" features a leather interior, massage chair,adjustable lighting levels, surround sound unit, TV, DVD and yourchoice of a Mac or PC. [Hammacher Schlemmer]

Sensory Deprivation Chair: Obviously, $45K is a bit on theexpensive side for the average consumer. However, you could buildyour own chamber like Dutch artist Atelier Van Lieshout did withhis Sensory Deprivation Skull Chair. You could also buy one fromthe art gallery in the link, but my guess is that it won't comecheap either. [Artnet]

Sound Relaxer Eye Shades: See no evil and hear no evil with an eyemask that features ocean waves, rainforest, rippling brook andraindrop sounds. You can even pipe in your own music. Available forUS$24.99. [Overstock]

Brainwashing Goggles: If plain old sensory deprivation is notsilencing the voices inside your head telling you to get an iPhone,a thorough brainwashing might be in order. These brainwashinggoggles claim to rewire your brain using flashing images and otherhocus pocus. No word on when and if the device will go intoproduction. [Link]

Anti-Apple Propaganda: Another technique on the road to recovery from iPhone overload isto spend a little time viewing some anti-Apple messages. ThisT-shirt method is especially effective when being worn outside anApple store at launch. You can take pleasure in mocking all of the

fanboys suffering in line.

iDontCare available in a range of styles and prices. [Cafepress]

Ban the "i" available in a range of styles and prices. [Cafepress]

uSHeep available for US$18. [T-Shirt Hell]

Violence and Aggression: To hell with all of this hippie Zen crap! The only way to silencemy rage is through aggression.

Hey lookit! Its one of those videos where some douche smashes aniPhone! Yeahhhhhh! Or how about an image of the iPhone 3G gruesomely dissected?

Desktop Punching Bag: Maybe it's time to go to the source of theproblem. Damn that Steve Jobs! Just affix the punching bag to yourdesktop with the suction cup and slide a photo of your nemesis intothe pocket on the front of the bag. Available soon. [Perpetual Kid]

Cellphone Jammer: This little guy will shut down any mobile phonesignal within a 18-metre radius. Nobody can enjoy the iPhone,dammit! Available for US$550. [Advanced Intelligence]